its DEc 15th again, possibly my most hated day of the year. I don't know if this day is geting better or just being absorbed into the rest of the year. As always I sit here wondering if I should say something, send something, one last final comment. I don't know if there is much of a point to it, but if I don't send anything then the words sit and swirl in my head for another year or until they are said.

I was actually feeling fairly well today, not the normal sort of insta-depression I usually fall into. I'd say something about it maybe being all over, but it seems everytime I do I end up being wrong.

I need to stop asking questions, stop looking for reasons, I know there will never be an answer I really hear, unless its one I want to. "I was wrong, I'm miserable now, Please forgive me." That will never happen. Instead its "I'm so happy, everything is so wonderful, we're sooooo in love." If I knew his face I would curse them in misery. Its a curse I know well, but don't know if I still have the energy to cast it, but then thats why it is good being me. I can always go back to any time I've been and relive whats already past and recharge feelings long gone.

Maybe I should just write, but as always I fear the responce. I already know what it will be.
Writing this isn't making me feel any beter so I'm just going to finish it here.