I haven't had to much to say for the last few days. Lab has been busy on and off as usual.
I'm just not sure where I am any more. I feel like the wold is again getting distant and it might be better if I just disappear for a while. Maybe I am manic. I've never put much thought into it, but I am often a high/low person. I usually just put on a game face and trudge on through life.
I'm very conjumbled right now. Its difficult to discern anything about yourself when you tend to change by the day.
My only constant is change.
Its days like this where I think I should take a year off and join a monistary or something. Someplace where I can try to get my head on straight.
I'm a confliction of action and inaction. I always think of things to say after the moment, then they drive me nuts until I get them out or enough time passes for them to be eclipsed by more pressing matters.
I still hate the world and its fallicies.
Bah this isn't making any sence and its not making me feel any better.

I wonder what would happen sometimes if I just up and left. Throw some things in the car, maybe the dog, and just start driving. Stop when I'd reached a place where I don't exist and become someone I'm not. The only thing really stoping me is I know it wouldn't help. A few years from then I'd be back here. The world slowly closing in like a tsunomi and me racing just ahead of the breakers. I hate the water.

I wonder what its like to have someone know you. I've known a number of people who have claimed to know me, but they only see what they want to. Some days I don't even know if I know me and yesterday is different from today and not the same as tomorow.

Still not making sence. Still not helping. I'll just go put on a hapy face and get back to work.