I always laugh when I see those people on TV, "Why has god forsaken me." Life is forsaken. Nothing is, everything just appears to be.
Its nights like this I'm glad I don't own a gun and I'm still too much of a coward to comitt hariekarie. For the weak of hear this is a good place to stop reading.
The key board is finaly starting to spin. Maybe I'll pas out before I have to finish this.
this is what they call masacistic. I know people who will read this, but I write anyway. I know the problems it will cause yet I must post.
More drink.
Fuckers keep pinging my computer.
I would talk to people I know but there is no one.
My old friends have vanished. My schol friends are al home for the holidays. I think I'm going in to work tomorow. My online friends are no where to be found.
Everyone has a life. I would be happy for them if I could.
I think I've even lost my misery.
Emotions are the way of the wind. They flow around you and lift your hair or your skirt to portrait something you are not, but its gone as soon as it comes.
I really hate happy people. Its a god thing I surrpond myself with such misery. Misery is easily created you know. People are easy to read. You know them, know what they want. Then simply, you just don't give it to them.
I miss living, being real.
Its something I gave up some 15 years ago.
It was then I stoped being ryan and became something more, something less.
DEath is only the beginning and one that horid spring, I was born.
I miss feeling. I miss happiness.
Everything is just a sham now.
Smile and nod.
The world keeps turning. And so it goes.
Things start to get blurry here.
IF this was a real attempt, I'd go mix meds. Well actually now, a real attempt would involve blood leting. There are certain things that are irreversable, or at the very least, very hard to undo. Sharp impliments, soft innards all that. Anyone who goes for the pills is a pussy. ITs just a cry for help.
Hell IF I was wanting a cry for help it would be stupid to just post it on a blog. By the time anyone read it it would be too late. Or I'd just wake up a mess. Its mard to poison your self with common household stuff. Over the counter drugs suck. The are made to keep you alive and not hurt you in high doses. Hell most people taking them take mroe than they should.
not really sure where all that was going
Its nights like this I'm glad I don't own a gun and I'm still too much of a coward to comitt hariekarie. For the weak of hear this is a good place to stop reading.
The key board is finaly starting to spin. Maybe I'll pas out before I have to finish this.
this is what they call masacistic. I know people who will read this, but I write anyway. I know the problems it will cause yet I must post.
More drink.
Fuckers keep pinging my computer.
I would talk to people I know but there is no one.
My old friends have vanished. My schol friends are al home for the holidays. I think I'm going in to work tomorow. My online friends are no where to be found.
Everyone has a life. I would be happy for them if I could.
I think I've even lost my misery.
Emotions are the way of the wind. They flow around you and lift your hair or your skirt to portrait something you are not, but its gone as soon as it comes.
I really hate happy people. Its a god thing I surrpond myself with such misery. Misery is easily created you know. People are easy to read. You know them, know what they want. Then simply, you just don't give it to them.
I miss living, being real.
Its something I gave up some 15 years ago.
It was then I stoped being ryan and became something more, something less.
DEath is only the beginning and one that horid spring, I was born.
I miss feeling. I miss happiness.
Everything is just a sham now.
Smile and nod.
The world keeps turning. And so it goes.
Things start to get blurry here.
IF this was a real attempt, I'd go mix meds. Well actually now, a real attempt would involve blood leting. There are certain things that are irreversable, or at the very least, very hard to undo. Sharp impliments, soft innards all that. Anyone who goes for the pills is a pussy. ITs just a cry for help.
Hell IF I was wanting a cry for help it would be stupid to just post it on a blog. By the time anyone read it it would be too late. Or I'd just wake up a mess. Its mard to poison your self with common household stuff. Over the counter drugs suck. The are made to keep you alive and not hurt you in high doses. Hell most people taking them take mroe than they should.
not really sure where all that was going
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