This will be a post of self reflection and is probably best not read by anyone.
Which is why I posted it, but don't say I didn't give fair warning.
I woke up at 3:00am this morning, wide awake, no chance of falling back to sleep. I know, I tried until about 4am. Yesterday was an interesting day. I would guess any day where you take note of what you are thinking would be. I have to say in some ways it was kind of sad.
Sex used to be a major driving force in my life. I could see a certain beauty and desirability in all the women in my life. My dreams be they day or night were lusty moving adventures. torrid tales of sex and violence, not usually together, but better than any porn or action film I saw.
Now sex seems almost more like an abstract notion. I see "stimulating" things and instead of feeling the raw desire of wishing to possess them and knowing how I'll "Look, she's wearing a thong and I can see it...That should be erotically stimulating. Maybe there is a good article to read online." Its like I've just lost all sense of desire. All the hot adventures I've had, which just the breifest thought of used to get my motor running, now just seem to be a distraction, and not in a good way.
I really used to wonder about people losing their sex drive, passing their prime. It always seemed to be a very insane sort of notion, but now I wonder. Is this what its like?
Yesterday on the way home, I passed two hot chicks out jogging, wearing sports bras and tiny short shorts. I say practically out loud (since no one else was in the car) "Man I'd like to get some of that." But in my mind I'm hearing "they're too young" and then just a big blank space.
In fact I think thats what ends up happening a lot. I begin to think about something sex related and just get a blank space. Its like reading a book and not being able to visualize whats going on. This is also whats happened to my writing. I used to be able to just see the scenes in my head and had to scramble to get them down on paper. Now I have ideas I can't visualize and all that gets written is hollow and empty.
So what do you do when life becomes flavorless?
Which is why I posted it, but don't say I didn't give fair warning.
I woke up at 3:00am this morning, wide awake, no chance of falling back to sleep. I know, I tried until about 4am. Yesterday was an interesting day. I would guess any day where you take note of what you are thinking would be. I have to say in some ways it was kind of sad.
Sex used to be a major driving force in my life. I could see a certain beauty and desirability in all the women in my life. My dreams be they day or night were lusty moving adventures. torrid tales of sex and violence, not usually together, but better than any porn or action film I saw.
Now sex seems almost more like an abstract notion. I see "stimulating" things and instead of feeling the raw desire of wishing to possess them and knowing how I'll "Look, she's wearing a thong and I can see it...That should be erotically stimulating. Maybe there is a good article to read online." Its like I've just lost all sense of desire. All the hot adventures I've had, which just the breifest thought of used to get my motor running, now just seem to be a distraction, and not in a good way.
I really used to wonder about people losing their sex drive, passing their prime. It always seemed to be a very insane sort of notion, but now I wonder. Is this what its like?
Yesterday on the way home, I passed two hot chicks out jogging, wearing sports bras and tiny short shorts. I say practically out loud (since no one else was in the car) "Man I'd like to get some of that." But in my mind I'm hearing "they're too young" and then just a big blank space.
In fact I think thats what ends up happening a lot. I begin to think about something sex related and just get a blank space. Its like reading a book and not being able to visualize whats going on. This is also whats happened to my writing. I used to be able to just see the scenes in my head and had to scramble to get them down on paper. Now I have ideas I can't visualize and all that gets written is hollow and empty.
So what do you do when life becomes flavorless?
2 Comments:
Three times in one day's not so bad :D
Actually there should be one more up there, but I didn't feel like loging on last night.
Oh and that was a cleaver way to get another question answered :P
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