Its another wonderful monday, not sure why but feeling down today. Its probably that same old, I'm tired and doing repetitative lab work, which requires me to stand around and not think, which gives me lots of time to think about all that stuff I usually push to the back of my brain.

Its a day of reminiscing and regretting the past. At one time I could almost see the future. I was connected, tapped in to something greater than myself, it just wasn't good enough. There are very few times I actually regret anything about my past. Its all learning experiences and I wouldn't be who I am now without it. Of cource that only works if you're happy now. Can't seem to put a coherent thought together eithor. Everything is fleeting.

Its days like this that I question the universe and my place in it. I question feelings and comittments, what is, what was, what could be or could have been, what other oppertunities exist.

I'm not sure if I'll ever find a happy stability again, or if I had actually ever found one. I'm not the kind of person meant to exist in this world. I'm not going to toe the line just because everyone else is doing it. Slowly but surely I will find myself all alone, but thats ok. I knew it was going to happen, know it is going to happen.
When you can look at the world, but can't see your own reflection then you will truly
understand.

Not sure where this is all going, maybe I'll just go to lunch.