Today is Shiny.
Serenity comes out today, or maybe it did last night, I'm not sure.
I won't be seeing it tonight as its game night. These fridays are always good ones. As far as I know it wil be a full house. I actually made up a bit of an adventure so things are good.

Had a talk with the boss. It looks like I'm going to be studying this inner membrane in spores which is comprised of lippids, some proteins and mysterious other components. It will be cool because I haven't worked with lipids before.

Everything else seems to be moving along today as well. Brian working, emotions under control. All is well or well enough in the land of me.

Now I need to run to class.

Oh and to add to my insanity, I have to give a work in progress talk next tuesday. Work in Progress is pretty much a summary of all you have been doing in lab as well as where your work is going. They are supposed to last about an hour. I though I wasn't going to be going for another week or so. Ugh.

The same week I have a 5 page micro paper due. Big Ugh.

Well my brain seems to be caught in a 1 day cycle, but I'm slowly breaking out of it. When I go into autopilot mode it seems to strike and I flash back into the past and everything that was, is again as if no time has passed. I just feel lost and miserable.

To add to all the stupid nonsence, I went out with BZ to the grocery store last night and we decided it would be nice to bring doggie along. She likes to go for rides even if she has to stay in the car. Well when we got back to the car and mind you it was only like 20ish minutes in the store, she has left little presents for me all over the new car. Freaking dog. This is the second time this has happened. Last time it wasn't to this degree, it was just one. This time it was all over and it isn't like she didn't go just before we got in the car. A lot of Fabreeze and use of the wet vac and most of it was gone. I found some delightful dried on foot prints this morning, which I didn't have time to clean up.

Work today is ticking along slowly. I'm waiting on a reagent to run my experiments so it could be a big day of nothing.

And the world of Manic strikes again.
I go home yesterday down, I mean way down, ready to see what it would be like to swerve into on comming traffic and just not caring about anything.

I wake up today, an hour early mind you, and everything is fine. Get up and go. Get in to school. See some peeps I haven't seen in a while and all is just peachy.

Must be some sort of a chemical inbalance. Or maybe just too little rest, but usualy when I get less rest things are better. Take last night. I was up until about 11pm, whihc is late for me and I wake up at 4:40 all set for the day. 6hrs of sleep often seems to agree with me, or maybe I just need these down days to burn off the depression of something. Life is weird.

Not too much else going on yet. Making media and hoping to get it done in time to do some actual work today, otherwise it will be a big waste.

Very tired today, the weekend was a blur like always.
Friday night got home late, after getting a pissy email from the dud where he aired all grivances he had with me and decided he would be a dick and CC the entire group. It tok a lot of effort, but I didn't lay the smack down on his ignorant ass and instead went with the better man approach and just ignored most of it. This tactic usualy grates on me for the next few days. I like to live in a world of truth, intelect, and answers. Liars should be dealt with as should ass wipes and cowards (note the dud tried to sound like a big man, but concidering he was writing this to me now when we will probably never see each other again is just cowardess in my book). People should be allowed to get away with stretching or misrepresenting the truth (also note this dosen't count myths, fiction stories, ect, as long as they are peddled as such).
It just bothers me what people are allowed to do.

Well saturday I came in early and got about an hour or so of work done, then sped home to catch the 11am ferry so we could get out to the island for some wine tasting. We found quite a few bottles we liked and now have a large collection of wines again. The AMgen crew came with us and a good time was had by all.

Sunday was a waste. Rested up for some of it, but right now I feel like I haven't slept well for a while. Thats how it gets when I have too many things on my mind. Got some basic shopping done, caught a sale at best buy, which I'm going to drop in on again tonight and see if I can get a dirt cheap HDTV. After that we went over to my parents house for a turkey dinner, pie, and a game of star wars minis.

Today I've ben dragging. Lab work is progressing, classes take up a lot of energy and time, but its getting close to going home time.

I hate being in this sort of weakened mental state. Its hard to stay in the present. Its hard to stay focused. Drugs aren't helping much. I feel like Billy Prophet from "slaughter house 5", I've come unstuck in time. I don't have the ability to live the future yet though.

Was this really much of a suprise?

You Are A: Monkey!http://www.cuteducky.com/cute_animals/monkey.html">Monkey!

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Was this really much of a suprise?

You Are A: Monkey!http://www.cuteducky.com/cute_animals/monkey.html">Monkey!

%20src="http://www.cuteducky.com/img/monkey.jpg"%20style="border:%20none;%20margin:%200px%2012px%2012px%200px;%20float:%20left;%20height:%20100px%20width:%20100px"%20alt="monkey">Monkeys%20are%20intelligent%20and%20agile,%20well-adapted%20for%20jungle%20life%20as%20they%20swing%20happily%20from%20tree%20to%20tree. %20As%20a%20monkey,%20you%20are%20a%20social%20animal%20who%20is%20quick%20to%20learn%20new%20things%20and%20loves%20to%20climb.%20A%20monkey' target=_top >Groundhog<> a:<>
You gregarious his is as irresistable, are features primate tiny s>PuppyYou'>http://www.cuteducky.com/cute_animals/puppy.html">Puppy
You are least like a: Duckling or a ChipmunkDiscover What Cute Animal You Are!

Small gaming update, game 2 is done. DR. G discontinued it, which is sad in some ways, but a releif in others, being that I won't have to see the Prude or the Dud anymore. Its kind of nice to have the free time too, but kind of sucks because now I'm just running a game an not playing in any. Oh well, the next month is going to be busy anyway.

I guess I'll just have to level my character up a few times and bring him in as an NPC.

WWPD - What Would Penguines Do?

http://www.alternet.org/movies/25610/

This article is quite hummorous, tackeling the sillyness of the Religious Right's attept to hijack the film "MArch of the Penguines" message and transform it into their typical family values nonsence.

Friday, I've finally made it here again. As usualy friday comes with its share of annoyances. Stupid me left my tubes with all of the decoated spores I made yesterday sitting on the bench in an ice bucket last night. They spontaniously Germinated and are mostly back in the cell stage of their lives so they are unusable. I checked stuff I had left 2 days in the fridge and its the same but not to the same degree. Its an interesting learning experience, but it has set me back a few days now. I'll proably have to stop in both days of the weekend to do stuff now, which blows.

Last night was game night with Dr. Giggles. I'm slowly comming to a place where the game is annoying me again. I don't like to be restricted by alignment. Which wouldn't be much of an issue, but the Prude and the Dud keep getting in the way when I need to cast spells. Oh and the prude bitches about it. If it wasn't for them the game would still probably be fun. All I know is if I get docked XP for blasting them too, I may retire the character. In some ways its sad beacuse I do like running him, but he dosen't exactly fit into this campaign. I have a back up one which would be more applicable.
I know I've been over this before, but its just sad how lousy these people are at making characters. The Dud has a decent rogue, which is about as hard to make as rock. Take skills for disable device, open locks, search, tumble, and anything else you want. Put high ability scores in dex and take weapon finess if you want to be a meele fighter. Thats about it. The rest of it is done for you. I wonder what the prude blew her last feat on.....

This weekend is looking up. Saturday we're heading out to the Island to do the Wine trail, which is always fun. Sunday will probably be a day long marathon of firefly to get us psyched up for the release of serenity next weekend.
Maybe I'll see some of you there.

http://www.tompaine.com/feature2.cfm/ID/6535

This is a little more info on "Operation Blessing" for anyone who is interested.

For anyone who feels like being infuriated check out this artcle
http://www.thenation.com/doc/20050919/blumenthal

Now I've never been a big fan of organized religion, especially those TV preachers or faith healers, but this is just horrible. It sickens me to see it hapening.
KAterina was a disaster. It was a failure of all levels of government.
America as a whole should be banding together right now to help those people. We should be analyzing the failure of the government and correcting what problems there are. We should be studying the issue of poverty in this nation and doing something real about it.

This should not be seen as an oppertunity for the rich to get richer.
But here we are.
Big Jucy contracts for Haliburtan.
Big paydays for oil compagnies.
Big payday for the religious right.

And who gets the screw job?
The poor who were left to drown. The poor who are now left homeless, with a nifty semi working credit card from the gov which has on it just enough money for a few dinners and maybe a couple pairs of clothes. The poor who in a few months will be remembered about as well as Bush remembered Osoma Bin LAden, you know they guy who organized the 9/11 attacks.
The Poor people who won't see 1 penny of the money donated to Pat Robertson, but maybe he will bless them with a personal visit and maybe a prayer, because we all know how much praying for something gets it done.

Who else gets the shaft?
Every normal person who has to drive to work, drive to school, drive to pick up the kids or get groceries. Oil compagnies get an 80 billion dollar bonus to the absorbant salaries they already get.
Every concerned christian who donates to Pat's cash cow, thinking they are doing a little good. Your money just bought him a bigger house, when if you had sent it to the red cross maybe some poor person would get a house.

Who else?
Oil workers, yeah because I seriously doubt they are getting paid any sort of commision from what oil is selling for. They will get their normal salaries and get told to speed up production.

Man I hate this country some days.
This is the land of oppertunity.
We have what we need to care for all of our citizens.
It just takes the proper effort and there isn't anyone at the top making that effort.

Its been a few days since I last posted. School work has been nonstop. Things in lab are going well though. I'm only a few experiments away from finishing up the work I'm doing now, whihc will get me a paper. After that I have to decide what I want to work on for the long haul.

There hasn't been much else going on except for school. I tend to get home with just enough time to eat some dinner and hit the sack. This has been a stress on most personal things.
Mental state is slowly getting better. Life hurts less day by day, but it sems like there is always more to say. There probably will always be more to say. Its just silly.
Did you ever watch thos high school sit coms, where Johny finds out Suzie is going to dump him, so he deicdes to do the smart thing and dump her first. So he's a big man for a while and everything is good because he wasn't the dumpee, but then we later find out Suzie wasn't going to dump him. There are lots of hurt feelings all around, but at the end Suzie and Johny make up and get back to gether and everything is happy go lucky again.

It was a lot like that, only with a different ending, we didn't talk for 2 years and she married the first nonoffensive guy she met.
For a long time I was planning some sort of drastic revenge. There is a fine line between genuis and insane that I too often walk. My mind stores semi useless information about people, so if you think I've forgotten about when this or that was said, wrry not I didn't. I have info and photos, and other bits of nastyness that al could make someone's life very miserable. There was always the old standby of a confrontation of sorts.
All of that kind of got pushed to the side.
I don't need to enact any sort of revenge. I have no doubt misery will find her. When you get involved with a rebound person, its always the same. Everything is great in the beginning.
They are so much better than your ex in every way, well maybe ever way but one.
Then you are together for a while and slowly you begin to notice flaws.
Its not a big deal at first, everyone has flaws.
Over time they become more apparent.
Then one day it will just click, you're not really in love with them;infact, they annoy the hell out of you.
But now, you are married and stuck together. IF you are lucky you didn't have kids. If you are really unlucky, you are catholic and there is no turning back.
Her parents were like that. Sleeping in sepearte rooms because they couldn't stand to be with each other. Yelling, fighting, going days without talking to each other, most days they could barly stand to be around one another unless it was schedualed dinner time. Hipocrites. The only reason they are still together and somewhat happier is he got cancer. He had to be dying in order for her to look past his flaws. Epic magnitude needed to shadow a few silly traits.
Marriage shouldn't be like that.
Everyone should get to marry their best friend.
In Love is fleeting.
Partnerships endure.

With a 50% divorce rate in this country this sort of thing hapens a lot.

Makes you wonder.

Monday brings tiredness and I beleive I may have contracted something. The weekend was decent. Friday was game night. One player fatality and another party failure. I think I'm going to have to scale things down for a bit. I've just hit that point where they can't get by with their current strategy and they don't seem overly adept at creating new ones.

Also I saw hitcher's guide to the galaxy finally. HAving never read the book, I must say it was interesting. If you are looking for your basic space adventure sort of film, this isn't it. The universe it takes place in is quite wacky, as shown by the film opening with a singing dolphins number. Not too much else I can say about it for the moment. Brain is a bit slow today.

will continue post later when I am more coherent.

I haven't had to much to say for the last few days. Lab has been busy on and off as usual.
I'm just not sure where I am any more. I feel like the wold is again getting distant and it might be better if I just disappear for a while. Maybe I am manic. I've never put much thought into it, but I am often a high/low person. I usually just put on a game face and trudge on through life.
I'm very conjumbled right now. Its difficult to discern anything about yourself when you tend to change by the day.
My only constant is change.
Its days like this where I think I should take a year off and join a monistary or something. Someplace where I can try to get my head on straight.
I'm a confliction of action and inaction. I always think of things to say after the moment, then they drive me nuts until I get them out or enough time passes for them to be eclipsed by more pressing matters.
I still hate the world and its fallicies.
Bah this isn't making any sence and its not making me feel any better.

I wonder what would happen sometimes if I just up and left. Throw some things in the car, maybe the dog, and just start driving. Stop when I'd reached a place where I don't exist and become someone I'm not. The only thing really stoping me is I know it wouldn't help. A few years from then I'd be back here. The world slowly closing in like a tsunomi and me racing just ahead of the breakers. I hate the water.

I wonder what its like to have someone know you. I've known a number of people who have claimed to know me, but they only see what they want to. Some days I don't even know if I know me and yesterday is different from today and not the same as tomorow.

Still not making sence. Still not helping. I'll just go put on a hapy face and get back to work.

Feeling tired and like hell today. The weekend was good. I got in and got quite a bit done on saturday. We were supposed to go bowling for the rest of the day, but it ended up being a slow day and we never made it. Got some shopping done and got some gifts for friends who just got married. Now I just have to get my ass in gear and send them out.

Sunday we went kayaking. IT was a good time, but tiring. After paddeling for a bit we went out to eat. I must say Duffy's in Wickford, RI is a really shitty place. We only saw our waitress 4 times durring the hour and change we were there and had to flag her down most of those times. I got what was described as stuffed sole in a lobster sauce, price 12.95. I took the first bite and it was sort of bland at first, then a flavor began to come through, a flavor of ass. Now don't mince my words here, this is not figurative ass as in "man thats ass", but literal ass as in "I just took a dump on a plate and slaped a bad peice of fish on top of it. I couldn't stomache a second bite. Then it began to smell. Just a little at first, but the smell of shit slowly began to waft over the table, until I could take it no more and sent the meal away.
I'll never go back there again and I suggest all of my readers do the same.

In other news we still haven't sold any more baords, so this looks like it could yet be another failure of a business. I'm not quite ready to give up yet, but its not looking good.

Today is one of those days where I feel like I'm going in 30 different directions at once.
I have bills to pay, clases to sign up for, advisor papers to get signed and handed in, papers to read for said classes, a new marketing scheme to devise for the adventure board, and a whole bunch more.

Tired, over tired, under tired, unknown.
Last night was game night which is usualy fun. Once again I didn't die, thought I think the DM is working up to it. It was the night of 12 point hits. Everything that hit me did so for 12 points damage, which is odd. There was a bunch more I had to say, but my brain is only put puting along today so no big coherent or even semi coherent rants.

Finally a chariatable time I can actually support.
Reaper, maker of fine fantasy miniatures is going to be making a special miniature which proceeds from will go to Katerina releif efforts.
http://www.reapermini.com/
They don't have shots of it up yet but should soon. Even though I don't like the name (I would have prefered, "Katerina Vile Storm Vixen") I would sugest everyone who wants to help out those in need purchase this item.
Or if you aren't into minis give to one of the non-faith based charities as listed by American Atheists, http://www.atheists.org/ .
Its really nice to see some of these groups getting a little face time. I get really sick of all the right wing yokles spouting how only faith based charity groups really do anything helpful.

Round and round the world goes and I feel like I just don't have time for any of it.
We've had no new sales for the adventure board, proving me right that going to gencon was going to be a big mistake and a waste of money.

In good news the guy who showed up an hour late to veiw my apartment is going to take it. I got a call form the super saying he was approved and I'm going to turn in my keys today at 3:30. It will be a big releif to be done with this.

In the last few days I've bought way too many SW minis. But now I can run some really cool battles and woe to thee who decided to pick an army of all small crappy figures for the giant monsters will descimate them.

Gas prices are really pissing me off. I caught on the news today that we're back to about 40% of output from the refineries that were thought to be lost. A bunch of them were just a little wet with no dammage and just needed to be restarted. Apparently the oil compagnies are looking to make some thing like an 80 billion dollars more than they normally do because of the raised gas prices. Its such bull shit. The gas stations around here already were filled so that gas was already paid for. So now they can just make out like badits spiking the price because of a possible shortage and people have to pay. We have a mobile society. People have to drive to work, drive to pick up their kids, busses drive kids to school, planes fly people accross the country, all of it requires gas. I bet those fucks with the batery powered cars are just laughing at us, laughing at me. We'll see how much they laugh when I cram that damn battery places it was never meant to go. Like into the pumps at gas stations. Then I can laugh as they blow each other up.
Maybe I should switch to decafe.

In movie news, Loch Ness sucked. More crap on scifi. All I want to see is mosters eat people and then people blow them up. Is that too much to ask? I don't need to see Ted Danson drive around on a boat for 2 hourst straight looking for the LN monster. dull.

I had more to rant about but it escapes me at the moment.

It was a long non weekend. Saturday I came into school and bought a fridge. Then stuffed said fridge into the back of my new forester and somehow got the thing home.
Sunday I came up here and unloaded all that remained of my appartment.
Monday I was back up here doing work. And BZ made it back safe and sound from Minnesota and the state fair.

A lot to discuss of what has been going on, but I think I'm going to cncider joining the Ralians after finding this quote from a news article...

"...Rare video footage of the group taken at one of its Las Vegas seminars has been spun into an as-yet-unreleased documentary that brings a fresh, critical slant to the Raelians -- replete with allegations that the sect uses sex as a recruitment tool, targeting people most likely to sympathize with its message that aliens populated the world: "Trekkies and whatnot," explained Abdullah Hashem, who taped the group in May as part of a broader, personal investigation of the group."There are a lot of people (at these seminars) who believe in aliens, and all these beautiful women who will have sex with you even though you're a dork," he said. "And that's why most people were there..."

This might be the best religion ever.

In other news I saw a number of films, the best fo which being "Eurotrip". With the cast of semi unknowns and the "national Lampoon's..bla bla bla" in the title I had some seriously low expations and strangly enough the film drasctically exceeded them. I laughed through almost the whole thing and the "scottie dosen't know" song is really catchy.

In sadder news "Pterodactyl" was a huge let down. The acting and efects were as expected, but some of the plot and dialogue were just awful. The scifi channel has sunk to new lows in their made for TV movies. I really miss the days of rubber dianasaurs and character actions that at least made sence. IT was like watching "alone in the dark". In it a group of some unheard of military faction sets up a perimeter of machine guns and some automated shooting devices, but no one thinks to bring a generator or some sort of power supply for it so they try to wire into the power for some mine which is ancient. Needless to say it dosen't work well.
Then after the group gets over run and slaughtered and there are just two soldiers left. One tells the other to "get to high ground" and he will catch up in a minuite. Now this is just dumb. Nothing was there to indicate the monsters they were fighting couldn't climb hills or that it would slow them down at all, in fact they seemed to jump on top of vans and stuff fairly easily. Also if your entire army can't beat them there is no reason for you to stay behind to try to hold them off. It was just bad without compair.

Franken fish also was fairly bad, but not quite as horrid as the others. Snakehead terror, the prequil to franken fish was much beter.

Been reading Everest orwhat ever the sequal to Eragon is called. I'm about half way through and so far its just ok. The cool fighting of eragon has been replaced by a trip to elf land and a lot of descriptions of elf customs and flowers, damn Elfs. I just hope it really picks up soon.

Last night was another gem of a double whammy. I go through a bunch of emotional distress just to be able to go home and get the shakedown. Lovely.
I use to wonder why guys would just sleep on the couch in their own homes, but now I see its often easier than answering question after question.
Here is a hint to the ladies:
The past is what it is. Nothing will ever change it.
No one ever forgets what happened. Some days people need to work through some stuff.
Don't ask questions you don't want answered.
If your self estime is too low to be confident of where you stand, just get out. It wouldn't be the first time. Find some washed up loser to lick your feet every night. He will always come running back to you because you both know he can't do any better. Maybe he's some 2 time loser who lost his first wife and now he's 40 and afraid of going on alone.
Maybe he's 35 and still mooching off daddy.
What ever.

I will never be entirly stable.
I will never be whiped and controlled.
I don't Kowtow to the weak of mind or heart.

There was a song with lyrics that went "Love will keep us together".
Thats bull shit.
Love is an emotion for the strong of will. Its a ragining fire that is as likely to burn you as it is to keep you warm. If you can't stand the heat, just go get in line for some luke warm hot chocolate like the rest of the losers. There is plenty of mediorcicoty to go around.

I have a world to destroy.