Just when you think they have gone away....
Due to recent troll activity I've changed the accessability to the comments feature. If you're someone who should be able to comment and you can't email me and I'll see what I can do to change it. If you don't know how to email me, you probably don't have anything worth saying anyway.

Let me just take a moment to say how much I dispise trolls. They are the lowest of the low of all beings you run into in the net. Their only purpose here is to cause trouble and annoy people. Yes I admit I did the wrong thing and fed them, its one of those crusadering things I usually end up getting caught up in.

For those of you who are sick of this little spat, you're in luck. I don't have any new comments to say about the last post made as I only skimmed it and it was all a big rehash of what was said in the last few posts. Thats one key to know you're dealing with trolls, they repeat them selves and tend to get more and more insulting.

I will say this though, to be an effective troll you need to be in a position of absolute security. This works great over the net as most people you meet in cyber space you'll never see in real life. Its only the complete fool who trolls someone they may actually have to meet some day. Especially if that someone dosen't entirly live in the "real world".

That said, back to our regularly schedualed postings.

Well apparently what I did allows people to add to my blog directly, horray for my excelent computer skills. Though not my intent it should function about the same way.

I did have one thing to add to my previous post. There was one comment that needed responding to.
Apparently BZ is threatening to cross the fence to where the grasses are greener. This wouldn't be the first time that has happened to me, or even the third time. I seem to have this effect on women, they usually eithor go crazy once we're done or swear off men forever. I guess there is no sence eatting plain old hot dogs once you've had this fine (half) Italian sausage. The only choice is to go for tacos or nuts (thats go nuts).

Today seems to be going well. Just got back my first cell bio exam, 74, not too bad. Grades ranged from 47-95 with 75 as average. Damn you one point!!!!

In other good news I have a new story up, unfortunatly I think most of you have already read it, but if you want to see it in a published form check out http://www.raggededgepublishing.com/

actually I just checked there and it isn't up yet, but I'm assured it will be by monday so be sure to check then.

Whoo HOooooo! I've been give the keys to the kingdom! Top of the world baybee! -- Tempest

The wonders of thursday are upon me as well as the magic of western blotting. This technique seems to be my new life, at least I'm good at it.
Today seems to be moving along nicely, even though I'm beat tired.
last night was fun. I watched my friend playing volleyball, then got in on a game myself. I realized something that night.
1. The last few times I've played I've been fairly inebriated.
2. I play a lot better drunk.

I did come up with a new story idea while in cell bio class today, having to do with lychantropes and chromosomes and microRNA. School is really working for me in that respect. I'm getting a lot of story mechanisms. The hard thing will be to correctly incorporate them into fiction without just having some scientist guy show up and explain everything. Of cource that mechanism works as well.

With luck I'll be rolling dice later tonight, but as the weather is casting snow snow snow my plans may be scrapped.

To Sam the coward (aka Don huwwan, aka soul_lost 315)

Since your last post really didn’t contain anything new I don’t have much of a response to it, so I’ll just summarize.
I don’t spell well, covered.
You’re a coward and like to take cheap shots from the safety of Minnesota, covered. (actually this wasn’t entirely covered since you seem bent on using stupid pseudonyms)
Wait what’s this, something new? You seem to be very proud of your own state of ignorance. Though I guess this shouldn’t surprise me with your views on women.

You also seem to have spent time gathering info on me and seem to spend a lot of time reading my blog. I realize I’m probably the greatest person you know, but maybe you should look elsewhere for a hero. I would be willing to autograph that picture you keep talking about, but after that you need to find someone else to worship.
Oh and for the record I have done nothing more that respond to attacks made by you and your fiancée.
Why is it trolls always come to pick a fight then run. “Don’t respond to me anymore and I’ll leave.” Your spinelessness sickens me.

Doing a bit better today, sometimes its easier just to throw yourself back into the routine than to stop and think about things. Thanks to everyone who posted notes of support.

Of cource it is easier to fall back into the routine when you don't have to spend 4 hours waiting around for the cable guy, why does sometime between 8-11 always mean 10:45. All that waiting just so I can hand him the box and remote. If I knew thats all he needed from me I would have just left it on the porch.

Not really too much else to say at the moment. I have a lot of lab work today, but I'll try to put something more spirited together in a bit.

This isn't the post I though I would be writing, but the world can change in a moment.
One moment I was cleaning up equipment, thinking of clever responces, the next I feel the buzzing in my pocket of the cell phone.

Yesterday my grandmother went into the hospitle. She had fluid in her lungs and her body was lacking electrolytes. They started treatment. My family stayed with her until about 3:00, then went home. Just before 5:00 they got a call that her heart rate was getting weaker. She died before they could get there.

My grandmother has had cancer for a while now. I've known, mentally prepared and all that, but this was quick. Much quicker than anyone expected. I was hoping to take a trip down to see her this summer................

My grandmother was a good person. She and my grandfather lived through many of the US's troubled times. He went off to fight in WW2 and she stayed here and raised my father and his sisters. She was a strong woman. She was religious and beleived in the goodness of people. We may not have agreed on many things, a lot of which had to do with my apperance, but I have great respect for who she was.

I am not a religious person, but I do hope there is a better place now for her and my grandfather. One where he will have his mind back that alzheimers stole and the two of them will live on a farm like the one they had in indiana before they lost it to the deperssion. I like to think they would be happy there.

My weekend went pretty well for those of you who care. Friday was a good game. I even got a good game comment from BZ who is usually mediocre about the whole thing. I find it very interesting how my players think. They usually come up with some plan that easily will avoid any traps I have set up along the way and this is usually the first plan they come up with. That plan then gets broken down and split up and rewrote so that they will walk into every trap I have set. It makes me wonder if I shouldn't set up some more simple traps. I did get three of them on a simple pit trap :)

Sat was well spent. Half the day was trying to get my computer to make a recovery disk, which never worked and trying to get BZ's computer to be net savy. It turned out her comp has a broken pci slot so back it went to best buy.
The rest of the day we went down to my friend Ian's for an after noon of gaming. 1 round of nuclear war and 1 round of zombies took 6 hours to complete, mostly because there were too many players, but I had fun. BZ and I then retreated to my parent's house for some chinese food and socializing with the sibs who have this week off :( darn spring break.
Sunday was a lot of shopping, much more than I can afford. I may have to cut up my credit cards. I did pick up "Champions, return to arms" Its fun, but not as well set up as Dark aliance 2. Sharing Xp is the way to do it. With my fighter character now ahead of BZ's magic user by almost 2 levels its getting kind of rediculas. They never balance these games well.

Monday was spent home, waiting out the snow and playing games. So it was a big gaming weekend and a lot of fun.

Sleep wasn't so great all weekend, nightmares are back.

So here we are at glorious Tuesday and apparently my issue of challenge has attracted the attention of trolls, who apparently don't understand how to push the send comment button just once. So what do we have to decipher today.....

Comment 1
"Pretty big post, yet not unbelievably stupid, for someone who spends his time writing about nothing other than D and D and doesn't know how to spell waffle."

This is in some ways difficult to understand. Apparently the poster relates long posts with stupidity, which after reading my other commentary’s blog I guess I can understand, but there are a lot of long blogs which are full of decent insight.
As to the source of my blog material, there is a lot more there than just D&D. You might want to try reading. There is a lot of content here and only a fraction of it has to do with D&D.
As to the spelling of waffle, I realize it is misspelled. It is spelled as in the brand name Waf-Full, which is an eggo product of waffles stuffed full of some sort of fruit jelly ect. I altered the spelling slightly as to not violate trade name laws.
So in conclusion, commenter 1, who has cleverly disguised their identity by posting anonymously, has added nothing and seems satisfied with petty insults against gamers and people with learning disabilities.

On to

Comment 2 written by Don Huwwan

"Well, well. What an impressive post. You're a so called "man" who threatens girls. What's next? Are you going to threaten little kids in wheel chairs? You don't live larger than life. You live in a small fantasy world where the biggest issue is how many figures you've painted, and where obviously people can't spell. You say nobody wants to bring it to you. Think again. You talk about courage, why don't you come see me sometime."

This could take some time to dissect.

First off where did I threaten anyone? I issued a challenge to people who felt the need to talk about me behind my back. I believe the old saying goes "Don't let your mouth write checks your ass can't cash." If you aren't a big enough person to stand up for yourself or take a little heat, you shouldn't go flaming people.

Secondly, I back tracked Mr. Huwwan to his blog and apparently he is the fiancée of the woman who was talking trash about me. Let me reiterate the word woman, as in adult, as in not some girl. You may think of your wife as helpless, but I'm fairly certain she is far from that. I have only met her once, but she is much more capable than some kid in a wheelchair and in my opinion doesn’t need some ravishing redneck in flannel armor to come to her rescue. I can see that you have this Al Qaeda world image, where woman are around to be barefoot in the kitchen popping out babies and are incapable of anything else, but I'm sorry this is not the case. I could go one, but we have more points to cover.

Third, I do live larger than life. This is exemplified by you coming to read about my life, even with your limited reading skills, you have found the need to come and see what I am up to. I have seen things you can't even dream about, done what is beyond your imagination (though that probably isn't saying much), and some day I will put it all into a book. You will probably but the book and make an attempt to read it, so I'll add in illustrations to help you out. When you're done you'll say to your self, "That couldn't have been real." I assure you it all was.

Fourth, I live in a very large fantasy world. Try to read my entire blog for more info.

Fifth, Figure painting is an accomplishment, not a problem. Again try reading.

Sixth, Yes we're back to spelling. I don't spell check my posts and I have learning disabilities. Its nothing I am embarrassed about. Although if you cited a specific example, I may have been able to explain it, see wafful explanation above.

Seventh, Obviously you don't want to "bring it". You see, the coward response to a challenge is to respond with his own challenge. I don't have an issue with you, so I could care less about "coming to see you". You, on the other hand seem to have found issue with me. So the correct manly response would be something to the tune of "Where can I find you?" This brings us back to reading, see the header in my blog.

If you really feel the need to fly out to Connecticut to get your ass kicked, I can accommodate you. I would suggest though that you fly here after the wedding, because I would hate to hear again and again how bad your wedding pictures were with the broken nose and your jaw wired shut.

For all my regular readers I should have a normal post up soon and I'll try not to take up too much time responding to trolls.

Such a small world, and look, I issue a challenge and get nearly instantaneous responces. Though I must say I am a little dissappointed in the caliber of the responces.

#1, "trust me, I don't"

I can only guess that this means you don't want a piece of me, which is odd since you responded to the challenge. Or did you mean that you don't read my blog and then write about it in your's, because if you are the preson the post was meant for you obviously do. Or do you not think its a small world? Do you not talk to people in other countries? I am most perplexed.
We're you taking my challange as some sort of courtship ritual? I thought it was pretty obvious.

#2 "Hey are you sure you're not gay? Because you sure sound like a drama queen"

Am I sure I'm not gay? Yes, I'm sure. Was that meant to be an insult? I have a few gay friends, its a difference in sexual preference, nothing to be ashamed of. So I sound like a drama queen, because I don't like people talking about me behind my back and I call them out on it. Imagine that, it the society of today what used to be the essance of being a man now gets you called a drama queen. Yes there is some drama in my life. Yes I do live larger than many people. I don't want a flat borring life. I've put up with enough shit from people. If you want to talk about me behind my back then don't be suprised if I say something about it.

I refuse to live in a world of cowards.

Its interesting how small the world has become. I've known this for a while but have found cause to reflect on it today.
A few years back and we're not even talking ten years here the world was a big place. People were more or less isolated in their little communities, with only planes, trains, and automobiles to get them outside what they know. Today with our global network and messanging programs I can be speaking with someone in italy in moments. I have no idea who the person is, but people love to chat. And here we are thousands of miles apart discussing proper dating protocols and whats sports teams we like as if we have been friends for years.
In the last few years blogging has become very popular, so now I don't even have to speak with someone to know their innermost thinking. Let me just say its interesting.
I've found enemies I never knew I had. Friends who worship my way of life, and more.

See I put my thoughts down here and people read them. Then they write about them on their pages of thought. This is truly communication of the mind readers, because as long as we both don't know each other is reading each other's bloggs then we feel free to place our true feelings there. Or if we don't care what each other thinks it has the same effect.

Its been many years since I've truly cared what people think of me. Now I begin to wonder how many people are spying on me. As I find each one I only hope I can visit their mind and give them a wink. The watchers are being watched.

For those of you who want a piece of me, I smile and say "Bring it"

Well the day is moving along smoothly. I've barly had time to sit down, but thats because I want this blot done today and I can't stay late.
Just had a nice lunch with JB and a chat about her life. When she is gone its going to be tough to find someone else to chatt with.

Lots of crazy thoughts today. I'm in one of those rare moods and I keep singing the theme to some videogame in my head, form back in the nintendo area or maybe even atari. Eithor way it makes nice background music.

I woke up this morning to an interesting dream. I once again don't have the specifics, but hot girls were modeling clothing for me. I don't remember why this was going on, but it was much more plesant that the night mares I've been having.

Its friday, lucky friday. I've once again risked fate by wearing my moon pendant, which usually brings bad luck but today I'm throwing caution to the wind. Its friday the week is done and its game night. I got another 3 miniatures painted last night bringing this weeks total up to 9 which is just crazy. It does relax me though, more so than anything else I do on a regular basis.

Today I have to get a blot done which is a full day worth of work and I have a class to fit in there as well.

Well my lunch with my friend didn't happen again. Unfortunatly it looks like she didn't pass her prelims, which sucks. I'm fairly confident that she will get it together and pass, but I can imagine what it feels like.
Had lunch with my pals but it was kind of somber. Knowing Jess will be gone in about 2 weeks makes it kind of like eating lunch with the dead.
I told some stories about me and BZ meeting that were a hit. Humor my only true weapon:(

Wonderous thursday, which is good because its almost friday and time for D&D and the weekend. I got another two minis painted last night. If I keep up this rate I'll be out of unpainted figs soon.
Not too much else went down last night. My TV pal got home late on only stoped by for a sec to retrive the butter she had loaned me, so another exciting night hanging out with myself.

Oh I did go to and ever so usefull seminar last night all about some immunology cells and which ones were better to use. For those of you who don't know I don't do immunology. The seminar was put on by the department I'm in right now so it was kind of expected for me to go and waste my time. I didn't even get any of the free food, which looked pretty sucky anyway. Yeah sour grapes, go bite a bannanna.

Today I have some cell work to do, then class, then lunch with a friend I haven't seen for a bit. So fun times allaround as long as the boss gets in in time to see my cells before I have to go to class.

Which God am I
Morpheus
not too bad


Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by

What a lovely day. I got an email from astoundingtales.com saying my story was being reviewed and that I could check on the status by clicking on a link. I click and low and behold what do I find, not only has my story not been accepted but the apparently sent me an email saying that only its still not here.
Online publishing ...............something.............something....mumble........

I am, how you say, Bored out of my mind.
I'm comming to really dislike wensdays, having no classes makes this day go by really slowly. I cam in checked my cells. They need to grow more. So I thumbed through email, checked some bloggs of friends, went through D&D suppliments, and am attempting to write.
Bored bored bored
Writing is going slowly, I just can't seem to come up with an idea, not even a phrase to start with. I keep trying out ideas and usually dumnp them before the second paragraph.
Bored and non creative and non productive, ugh.

I see chattable people pop up on AIM but I don't want to bother them. NTM usually they are just as bored as I am.

Well I went home last night.. I realize the drive really tires me out. We had some tacos and some nifty mini cakes and a pleasurable evening if you get my drift.
This morning I woke up around 4am out of a nightmare about jason X. To clarify I must state that I have never actually seen the movie, but I'm pretty sure my dream was close to it. I was on a space ship or space station with a bunch of other people and a maniac weilding a knife and a hockey mask kept killing them in grusome ways. There is just something very unnerving about the undead. I'll take on just about any mortal without fear, but how do you kill the unkillable.
Exploding usually works if done at the end of the film, but you know the baddie will be back for the next film. Plus I don't keep a lot of explosives in the house. And I can't go just exploding at every noise I hear. There were a lot of thumps and bumps and creaks, comming from the attic and other places outside the bedroom I sure as hell wasn't about to go exploring in the dark. Exploding tends to do a lot of structural dammage, which I currently can't afford to repair.

If anyone has any sugestions on fighting the unkillable I'd like to know.

well today is going nice and slow, as seen by my third post of the day. Also I can't think of any good story ideas so here I am.
But what I was going to write about, today I discovered to ease and cheapness of itunes.
Songs are a buck and they have a very big library. After wasting over 20$ in the last few weeks for albums where I really only like one song on it this is like a god send.
But what this is doing is forcasting the end of record lables.
Most bands only put out one or two good songs an album now so instead of wasting 8-18$ for that album why don't you just buy the songs you like. Sure you lost the potential to hear all the othe great songs on a new album, but are there really? Even in albums I like there are usually a couple good songs, a few decent ones and some I can tolerate between the good and decent ones.

If people have the option of just buying the good songs off an album I think a good protion of them will. This in responce should make bands write beter songs. One hit wonders will litereally only have to have one song. You won't have to buy the whole crap ass nada surf album, just buy popular. And so on.

In bad news I can see me losing what little money I have a dollar at a time.

Well today is about half done. Just have some cells to split and some time to waste befoere a meeting.
My friend John just stoped by and with him was his wife Shanda (probably spelled wrong) and baby Anna.
This was the first time I got to meet the two of them. Wife is ok, baby is very cute, chubby but cute. I think babies are supposed to be chubby.
Seeing them almost gets me thinking in that parenting sort of manner. But should you really have kids before you've grown up your self? Who knows.
Well the cells are about ready so its back to the lab for me.
Ciao

Tuesday, wonderful tuesday. Yesterday was so busy I didn't have a chance to post.
The weekend was pretty good except that I had to waste half of saturday comming in to school to do an experiment that didn't work. I have a feeling I lost my protein in the centrifuge spinning. So I have to repeat this week.

All weekend I had horrible night mares. Mostly about BZ and my family betraying me in some sort of farming or white trash setting, all was very odd.

V-day was yesterday and I can't say how happy I am it is over. I have now passed the "Bad" holidays for me so it should be another year untli it all has to happen again. Maybe I'll just truly delve into my atheism by then and give them all up, but I doubt it.

So tuesday finds me tired, but in decent spirits. We're gaming this friday which is always exciting and I've got a few new minis done for the game. The real question is which to use. I still need to write up some stats for the ice queen, but she may get droped for the big fella. Ooohhhh the suspence.......

And for those of you asking yes I did specifically make up a jailer:)

Well since today is going just soo well, its now 12:30 and I just started my gel, which means I may not be out of here today until 7pm or so, ugh. This always seems to happen when I want to get out early, or at least on time.
Maybe I can find a stoping point and bail then, but that may mean I'll have to come in tomorow some time, not in the am because I have an inspection going down then.

Right now I just want to curl up and take a nap, then work on some D&D stuff. Maybe I should just quit school and try to be a game designer, lol, not. I love design and writing, but there is no money in it unless you're on top and even then I have my doubts.

So I played in my second D&D game last night, thats second as in I have two, not I've only played once. It went pretty well. Our DM is new so its going a little slow but I think he's doing a good job. As predicted by my some one has died in about every other game, though last night's death was more of a fault on the players part. I did my best to take the plunge, charging my mage into combat and casting spells at point blank range. The dice were with me, no spell failures and even though I droped three times no deaths. Let me say how much autostabilizing kicks ass.

After the game I went home and got to spend the night with BZ, which was quite nice. I wasn't too thrilled with the lack of sleep in the am, but I can catch up a bit saturday. We had breakfast together which was plesant as well, then faught over money some which was not so plesant.

I was able to get out of the house in time to just make it here with enough time to get my gel poured. Unfortunatly when I got all my stuff out and ready I realized I don't have the sheet for how much of everything to add, so its now put off until after class which will screw up my day plan and I'll probably be here late, ugh.

Well class is a calling

Back from class and have a few minuites before I start lysing cells.

forgot which number I was on so we'll go with ...

5. Uppers to downers to uppers again is a mess. MY body was not meant to go on this sort of chemical roller coaster.

6. You pee a lot when enhanced. I must have gotten up like every 20 minuites last night. It was nuts.

7. Everything gets kind of numb. Sence of touch and that sort of thing were almost nonexistant. How people get it on after toking, I'll never know.
7b. the above was discovered while alone, there was no getting it on or attempts to do so.

8. Like with alcohol its a bad combo with ADD. I couldn't get through a sentance without forgetting what I was talking about.

I think thats about all I have to say about it.

Would I do it again?

Probably not. I'm not big on a lack of control and thats what it was rapidly turning into.

In other bad news I found out my friend is going to bail and head off to a teching job at a different school. I don't think its the best move for her, but she has been very unhappy here. She will be missed.

I find myself today, disjointed from reality. Everything is like a ghost. I reach out for it and pass right through.
I hung out last night for a while with a friend of mine down stairs. She had with her some herbal mind enhancer, which she offered to share. In a state of experiencing I gave it a shot. Here are some things I learned.
1. It does enhance sorcerey. I had enough energy flowing through me that I was up most of the night. I haven't worked with magic for almost three years now and it was like riding a bike, only instead of the crappy kiddy bike you used to have you now have a world class mountain bike.

2. Its really hard to sleep while influnced. This is probably just me as most people I know do this sort of thing to relax. I was anything but relaxed.

3. Normal sences can not be trusted. I could deffinatly hear things beyond reality. Fortunatly no one was talking to me. The ska mix I was listening to kept morphing into "livin la vita loca" which kind of sucked.

4. It lasts a really long time. The amount of drinking I would have had to do to last that long would have probably knocked me out hours before. I'm still out of body this am.

off to class more to follow

You never realize until you begin to investigate.
Well with Valentines day just around the corner, I though I'd find my sig sweetie some thing special.
I keep hearing adds for "pajama grams", which all sound neat and kind of romantic. So I punch up pjgram.com and low and behold what do I find, 50$ for a pair of pjs I could get at well just about any where for 20$ or less and these are the cheapest sets they sell. WTF. Valentines day is such a rip as is romance.
But I digress. MAybe its just one compagny trying to put the screws to the little guy with the enticing advertising.
So I've also heard a lot of adds about vermont teddy bears. And a little scientist bear would be really cute. So I punch them up.
Hmm, lets see valentines bears, with cute little hats and clothes all for the low low price of 80$. Son of a bitch.
Fuck Valentines day.
Fuck it and its shitty marketing rip off of the common poor sap who can't afford to get his honey some 90$ PJs and 80$ stuffed animal.
I hate this society.
And I pitty the poor man who can't toe the line and gets shit for the rest of the year becuase Suzie next door got a cute bear in clothes and some PJs while all you got was a 12$ box of chocolates.

This year I'm giving Ambien. If you don't like it, just try one. At least then I won't get shit until the morning.

WEll, my day is almost done. Just waiting now for the Big cheeze to come down here and show me how to make a solution, or maybe how to use the analytical balance. Duh I can't push buttons by my self. This equipment is valuable, me stupid, me might breakie.
Hell I've thrown away better equipment than this.

Hopefully he will get down here soon so I can get out. Not sure quite why but I'm bugging out today. Maybe I'll hit up some friend to do something later, but who knows.

Giving up,
I wonder about it some times.
I wonder if I could just stop being me if all my troubles would go away.
Could I just go in and pledge my alligiance and everything would be ok?
Could I live the lie? And if so would all my other lies suddenly become truth?
If you refuse to question the answers, does that answer all questions?

Another night of forgotten dreams. They were about kicking ass, bond style I so beleive.
Got some more figures painted last night, not much else done. Watched ANH dvd and the beginning of willow.

There is some sort of intimate weirdness surrounding me today. I'm not quite sure what it is, but its deffinatly odd.

Man am I tired. It was a full day of classes and now I still have cells to split and a bunch of flasks this time. With luck I should be out of here around 5ish so its still beter than those 8pm nights I was doing last semister.
Man do I hate mondays.

Day is picking up some. I got shown how to pour and run a protein gel which was just this side of increadible. Its interesting learning something over and over again. Each instructor has his/her own little habbits about it and almost no two are alike.
I just checked my cells and they seem to be growing like wild fire, so what ever it was i did to split them on friday worked like a charm. I have to split them again today and it looks like I may actually get to do some science tomorow.

The rest of today is full of classes and other fun like that.
Busy busy busy
its good to keep moving.

I think I'm giving up.
Fighting has become useless. Every push I think I make just falls away in the end.
I'm tired today, tired every day. I almost wonder if I'm manic some times, but then who isn't. I used to read and alter the future, but now I can't even seem to hold on to the present.
I sit here awaiting the whirlwinds of time to take me away.

Ok, test is over, it wasn't too bad, but then when its composed of 5 -10pt questions and 2-25pt questions. I didn't really know much about one of the 25s so that sucked.
But on to the good stuff.
I had a lot of dreams about being robed.
In the first I was in my house and people broke in and I had to fight them.
In the second dream I was in a house which was mine, but not mine. The same people (actualy person) broke in and was searching downstairs for some thing. BZ was with me and a few other people , we locked our selves in the attic to try to escape the crooks, beacuse they would have done bad things to us if they caught us.
Then the crook starts kicking down the door to the attic and I prep myself with a sword to spear him with as soon as he breaks through. I'm not sure if he had a gun or not, but he was scary.
Then we ended up being downstairs for some reason and the house became sort of a modern looking house with flowing art sculptures and pass through window holes cut everywhere. The walls were a pristine white and there was a lot of light comming in.
I woke up out of both of these dreams in a cold sweat (not from sickness this time) not really sure why. They weren't that scarry.
The last dream I had was about fooling around with some one, but as to who I can't remember any more, damn microtubules!!!!!

Today is friday, horray horray, and better yet its game night.
Last night we had a student happy hour, which was cool. I got to chat it up with some of the gals in my class, who I don't get to talk to very much and learned some interesting things. One of the girls used to be a gamer and did the whole vampire thing, which I never would have expected from her. She is kind of one of the trendy kids now. I ended up explaining all about table top gaming and LARPS, and SCA, and Furries in a very loud voice to one of the Jamacian kids.
I get very loud after a few drinks.
Ah yes as for drinks we had some of the schmirnoff coolers, watermelon and black cherry, both of which I would highly recomend.

Today I have to split cells, if they look good and thats about it. On to the weekend.

I had a ton of dreams last night, but I have a test in an hour so I can't get to them just yet. Check back later for the details.

On and on this day goes. Studying is happing some, but it still dosen't seem like much info and most of it I have seen before, yuck.

Still being haunted by memories. Seems like no matter what I do I end up back here again. I try to forget and here we are again. I try to forgive, and here we are again.
I really wonder about my sanity at times like this.
I wonder about losing control.
I wonder if I ever had control.
I just don't get it.
Most of that past was just misery.
Yet it always comes back to it.
Comes back to concepts.

This is where its hard to explain.
The past really dosen't exist for me, only the concept of the past does. Its like reading about someone else's life. You know what they did, where they went, and maybe what they said they felt, but you don't really know what it was like to be there.
I hear voices now, laughing, joyous, smiling, but they aren't talking to me.
Heh, I hear voices that aren't talking to me. That has to be a psychologist's first.

well that lasted long. Why is it when i get frustraited everything that has ever frustraited me slowly starts seeping back. This damn test is only on two things really, microscopes and cytoskeleton, bloody hell. I can barly figure out what to study there is so little material. I can't even think up any really good questions that would be on it. And now I'm flowing through the past, maybe I just shouldn't listen to blink 182.
I really hate losing.
ok, oriantal string band calming nerves,
blah
stupid microscopes.
damn microtubules
Stupid classes!!!!!

I knew I should have stuck to clases with just papers and no tests.
I hate the past.

Its days like this i wish I could go back to being a god.
Though no one who reads this knew me then so its relativly meaningless to you all.

Bah
I'm just wasting time now.

Why do you
Fill me up
Butter cup baby
when you take me down
When you're not around
And worst of all Baby
is when you say you do
But I need you too
I need you
I need you
More than anyone ought to
Please don't crap on my life
Fill me up
Buttercup
Don't break my heart.....

Yes so I don't know the words to the song, bite me.
Today is full of creativity and ambition. Probably because I have a test tomorow and still haven't really begun studying for it. Procrastination always brings it out in me. Thats probably why I could never be a professional writer, I need some other job to not be doing to have my most creative time.
Which is why I was able to write so much at PFE.

Last night i got some serious painting done, 4.5 figures and with detail. I looked at them this AM and was fairly impresed, but not nearly so much as my group will be friday when they have to fight them, Mwahahahahaha.....

Today is another day of lacking. No class as its a study day for the test, not much real lab work (one solution change, wooooo) and thats about it.

Not too much else of great interest. I finished reading "flim flam" last week and never commented on it. The book was very good, factual, but good. Its written by the Amazing Randi, who was a stage magician back in the day, and it goes through how a lot of psychics, faith healers, sayances, ect are all fakes and how they do their tricks. Its really good info for anyone who is easily taken in by this sort of thing. Now I'm working my way througha book on mithrasism which is a religiou that existed around the same time as the start of christianity, but didn't do any sorts of writings, so very little is known about it. What they did leave are all sorts of underground temples and such. So far its pretty cool. I like these books about studying old religions. If there was actually enough money in it I probably would have gone into that line of work. But alas, biochem is where the bucks are.

That or I would have made toys and games. Which is what I'd really like to be doing, but again not much money in it unless you're the best.

That said I should probably get back to studying.

Its wensday, I just finished my tribute story and sent it out to a few friends for proofing. After that its off to astoundingtales.com to see what they think of it.

Feeling a bit home sick I took the drive home last night. It was nice and relaxing. The chili was hot and the dog just a little pesty. I will say this being away from BZ does make our time together that much better.

No dreams or words of wisdom.

Cheers all.

This morning I awoke to some strange dreams.
I was hosting some sort of party and there were a lot of people over, but we may have been at my parent's house instead of my house. For some reason someone there needed a knife so I got out my new ever sharp knives and then did a little comercial for them. Showing how they could cut through steel, I used a nail since I couldn't find anything else I wanted cut. Then how it was still sharp enough to cut through fruit. After my demo I gave it to some girl to cut cheeze and when she tried to the blade broke. But I wasn't too worried because they have a life time garuntee.
Heck that whole half of the dream was just a big infomercial.
Then I made out with a cute friend of mine, yeah you know who you are. And right when it was getting hot and heavy I woke up.

What a scam, first a comercial, then I miss out on the really good parts.

Question, is it bad when you blow your nose and blood comes out? I got kind fo freaked this morning, but it has been really dry and this sometimes happens to me when its dry, so who knows. That stupid movie on aids esterday got me a bit worried, but then I got tested a while back and was clean.
This is why I don't watch a lot of illness films or spend any time on things like web MD. I do get hypochondria (think thats the term) when I look up disease stuff.

not much else to say, its looking like another exciting day of waiting for cells to grow.