The stupidity of mankind or why the divorce rate is so high.

This in some ways follows comments made earlier, but in all ways of easy connection, dosen't. As a warning this si going to be very scattered.

People are fools. This is no news. We all have acted like on at some time or another and we all know people who are them on a more or less constant basis. What few of us do is anything about it.
Some people wonder why the divorce rate is so high in this country, somewhere around 50%. A friend of mine tried to make a corelation with the decline of religion (which is false more people than ever are claiming to be religious). So he was of cource wrong.
The divorce rate is due to the stupidity of people.

We have ingrained in us from when we were very young that there is one special person for everyone on this planet. When two special people get together they get married and live happily ever after. Bull shit!

Then we hit the dating years and a lot of shit happens. Relationships are always bad, the hot guy or girl is always a jerk, so we rethink our deffinations of what a relationship is.
A relationship is now work, its not perfect, and a bunch of other baloney. It takes compromise and cooperation.

This is where it really starts. So now people settle. They find someone who they can deal with, or some one they have been with for some time, and they decide to stick it out thinking it will get better. It never gets better. The problems you have today will be problems forever and they will only seem to compound with time. If he is a controlling jerk with a low self esteme, thats not going to change because you put a ring on his finger.
Then it happens. One day you wake up and decide you can't take it any more and its divorce city.

Let me be the first one to say this in a long time.
Relationships are not work.
They are perfect in all ways that count.
Compromising is for suckers.
Don't settle for less.
Don't fall into the fear of never finding someone else.
I still beleive in the Mr/Mrs. right. Don't stop searching until you find them.
Don't let the suckers pull you in.

I think that made even less sence that it was orgionally supposed to. I just can't formulate concise thoughts today.

The stupidity of mankind or why the divorce rate is so high.

This in some ways follows comments made earlier, but in all ways of easy connection, dosen't. As a warning this si going to be very scattered.

People are fools. This is no news. We all have acted like on at some time or another and we all know people who are them on a more or less constant basis. What few of us do is anything about it.
Some people wonder why the divorce rate is so high in this country, somewhere around 50%. A friend of mine tried to make a corelation with the decline of religion (which is false more people than ever are claiming to be religious). So he was of cource wrong.
The divorce rate is due to the stupidity of people.

We have ingrained in us from when we were very young that there is one special person for everyone on this planet. When two special people get together they get married and live happily ever after. Bull shit!

Then we hit the dating years and a lot of shit happens. Relationships are always bad, the hot guy or girl is always a jerk, so we rethink our deffinations of what a relationship is.
A relationship is now work, its not perfect, and a bunch of other baloney. It takes compromise and cooperation.

This is where it really starts. So now people settle. They find someone who they can deal with, or some one they have been with for some time, and they decide to stick it out thinking it will get better. It never gets better. The problems you have today will be problems forever and they will only seem to compound with time. If he is a controlling jerk with a low self esteme, thats not going to change because you put a ring on his finger.
Then it happens. One day you wake up and decide you can't take it any more and its divorce city.

Let me be the first one to say this in a long time.
Relationships are not work.
They are perfect in all ways that count.
Compromising is for suckers.
Don't settle for less.
Don't fall into the fear of never finding someone else.
I still beleive in the Mr/Mrs. right. Don't stop searching until you find them.
Don't let the suckers pull you in.

I think that made even less sence that it was orgionally supposed to. I just can't formulate concise thoughts today.

After a short reprive I'm back. Been out sick for the last few days and seem to be getting worse. Which leaves me with quite a bit to comment on.

First off school, since I was out on monday my journal club presentation didn't happen. Not sure exactly what this means just yet, but waiting to find out. Lab work is still in a rut of sorts. Stupid western blots just don't want to cooperate.

Movies:
Bridget Jones Diary 2, the edge of reason, i.e. the edge of suckdom. And let me say it went well over the edge. Its a classic case of having a funny film, which makes a lot of money. Then making a sequal of it in which you rerun a lot of the same jokes, but make them funnier. By funnier this is hollywood funnier, meaning not funnier and down right stupid. Some people want to push it to the limit and some people go over the edge. This film plummited from the start. Bridget is fatter, uglier, and more neurotic than she was in the first one. The bad boy is sleezier, the good boy nicer, and the physical comedy is shoved into every place they could.

Finding neverland: Possibly the best film of the year. Very sad, but exquisite in acting, plot, and directing. Its a mystical masterpeice that really takes you back to childhood.

tired of doing films. I've seen a lot lately so I'll save some for my next post. What I am going to comment on is steriotypes. Its truly interesting how well you can know some one by observing but a few aspects of them. Now don't get me wrong, steriotypes on gender, race, religion, ect are often just plain dumb, but at one time they were created for a reason. What is correct is taking those steriotypical traits and applying them to people where they seem to fit, even after only knowing a very little about someone.
This is why psychology works. You can actually predict people's behavior from this.

I'm probably not making much sence here.

Heh and I'm too tired to go into detail.

Another day another post.
Played D&D last night, didn't die. My second game the one I actually get to pc in is kind of annoying at times. There are some people there who get on my nerves, mostly because they spend more time out of character than IC. This game is really slowed down by side conversations, jokes that lead to more jokes, people making OOC comments in game. It just slows everything down to a stand still. We only fought a couple of fairly easy battles and that was it for the night. Now I have no problem wasting game time in character. If the cleric and the rouge want to have a lengthy discussion about wether its ok to steal from the crypts, thats just great. But if robby feels the need to make dumb comments about his cleric's inability to discern what is and isn't undead, which leads into a discussion on night of the living dead, this is just a big waste of time.

I have this feeling that I may end up killing off the PC which is vital to the storyline. She has proved herself useless in just about every way possible, except she heals people. Though she seems to do all of her healing from a wand, which is just nutty.

No big rants today on real world issues, or at least I haven't found one worth ranting on yet.

Ok since no one asked for it, a bit on Terri Schiavo, the florida chick.

First some important points.
1990 She colapsed and became what some are calling profoundly cognitively disabled, this is a nice term for brain dead.
Today its 2005, so by some simple math she has been in this state for the last 15 years. If some miracle was going to happen I would think thats enough time to wait.

Now some make the claim that she is responsive. So what does this really mean? Examples are listed as:
Doctor asks her to open her eyes and she does.
Doctor asks her to follow a baloon with her eyes, she does.
Mother kisses her cheek and she smiles.

Now on the surface these give the appearance that some thinking may be going on there, but you have to understand that these are uncontrolled experiments and you are seeing the best she has to offer.

What we need to determine is if she is actually concusious of what is going on or is she just responding to generic stimulus.
Does anyone speaking to her or near her cause her to open her eyes? This could easily just be a reflex to noise.
Does she follow any object waved in front of her? For instance if you wave a pen and a balloon and ask her to follow the pen and not the baloon can she do that? How about if you put a flashing light by her then see if she can follow the baloon or if she just stares at the light?
Do kisses from anyone make her smile? How about dog kisses? Or when you lick you thumb and touch her cheek with it and make kissy sounds? Can any sort of contact make her smile? Does she smile without stimulus?

Anyway, fact of the matter is all of these examples are the best anyone could come up with in the last 15 years, or if they didn't start looking until this whole trial stuff started, the last few months. These are pathetic examples to show that someone is still cognitative.

Its been 15 years, let the woman die already.

After another night without much sleep I feel fairly recharged and raring to go.
Went home to see BZ last night, which almost turned out to be a mistake. She was still pissy about the comment made days prior. We did get out to the mall and acquired much needed hiking equipment. Some how I've been roped in to climb Mt. Washington, again. Ugh.
I got a new pack and some decent gloves. She got a whole outfit, which looked quite nice.
The night had a strong potential of going baddly, but ended well. I'm glad.

Today I finish up my western blot for the umteenth time. I've got a good feeling it will turn out well. I also need to work on my journal club presentation and try to finish "Living In Sanity" Which should go better with a longer ending.

I was working up a big rant about the semi comatose chick in florida, who was taken off feeding tubes, but I'm too hapy to do it properly right now. The one thing I will say is if it was me, pull the plug. I see no need to cling to life if I have nothing more to offer than just existance. I'm a big proponant of fate. If its my fate to go out like that, then so be it. I'd rather skip on to the next life time than to be a vegtable, I am counting the semi responsive state she is in as vegtable like.

God damn fucking ski trip.
I really hate people. I hate situations. Hate it all.

I really need to stop talking to people. Or start talking to people.
Just too tired for all of it and out of time.

Every have one of those days where your brain and body just don't seem connected? Thats me today. I've got the dropsies and the spillies and a bunck of other bad "ies". Thinking is just too fast to act on without signifigantly jerky motion and probably knocking a few people down.
Its all just crazy.

We had our lab meeting last night and went over my bad westerns, but I did get soem helpful hints ab out them so today we run them again.
I still don't have a deffinate article for journal club, the one I had picked is way too indepth for the time I'm going to be able to spend on it so its back to searching.

The story I finished last night for a contest is ineligable due to entry submission being ended last week. Maybe its for the best because now I can add a few more paragraphs to it and give it a better ending. This means it will be too long to submit almost anywhere, but who cares. I hate flash fiction. You always have to leave something out to do it, eithor detail or content.

Oh I watched "Saved" for the second time last night. For those of you who don't know its a movie about born again christians, which is described on the back cover as something like hyserical satire.
"Saved" is not satire, and the only people who might think it was funny is other christians, because to them the bron again thing are the extremeists, who are laughable. Right now those same extremeists are in charge of this country and its anything but funny. I see this film much in the same way I would see a film about islam extremeists who were going to blow up a building. Its not funny, its dangerous. Anytime people stop thinking for them selves and decide to let someone or some book do their thinking for them is dangerous. A critical mind is the only defense against stupidity.

I am an atheist and proud of it. I don't go out preaching atheism, or destroying religion. That would defeat the purpose. People should become atheists because I say so. They should examine all the facts and make up their own mind. Mob mentality is a very dangerous thing, wether that mob be the lynching type or a christian revival.

Dammit people just stop and think about what you are doing for a moment.

A cousin of mine has been suckered into this nonsence. She is about to throw away her education (almost finished with a masters degree) and fly off to africa some place to take care of people with AIDS. This is just stupid. What does she really think she is going to do over there? She has no medical training. AIDS is an incurable disease. What few meds we have to slow down the progress of the vrus are often not taken by the people there due to their beleif in faith healing and other shit like that. Also most people there don't use condoms again due to religious influnce. So great, you can go see sick people and whipe the sweat off their heads and give them some water and feel oh so good about your self.

Its all such bullshit.

I should have a talk with this girl. From what I hear she is thuroughly inducted into this sham. The stories I could tell, and probably will when I get some time.

Today is working up to be another lousy one. MY gel came out funny again, but I'm pretty sure its not a technical issue like last time. Lysates are comming out wrong I think.

Its another day of tiredness. My friend turns 30 today, how the time flies by. It seems like just yesterday he was turning 22 and we were having some huge bash at our appartment with a case of 40's and 150$ in assorted liquor. I miss those days. Every thing just seemed fun back then. Now there is little that isn't a drag.

I really need something new to do.

For the past few years, lunch has always been my favorite part of the day. Eating is always good, but its the one time you can see your friends and just chat. You don't have to talk shop, but if you do discuss work its usually what rummors you've heard or who's boss was the biggest twit.

Now lunch is painful. Food is still there but its more of a nurishing variety than anything fun. Friends no longer show up, so lunch has gone from an hour of stress free shooting the shit to 15 minuite power feast, because I don't really need any more alone time than that.

Don't fall into the trap!
I did last night. It was a stupid move, but for some reason I thought I was safe. Noooo. Not safe at all. Screw safe. I've never done safe in my life (not true).
When people ask an oppinion of me expect to get a true and accurate responce as I see it. I don't play all those, yes you look good in that games, especially if who ever is asking dosen't.
If you say you think you are getting bigger or something to that tune and I agree, I'm going to say so. Bah people....

Revenge, not nearly as easy as people make it out in the movies. And the net is useless when it comes to revenge. You eithor have to buy their book, which I'm not going to do, or they have some crappy story about getting back at their ex by stealing his stuff or sending him a lot of crap he didn't order. Thats crappy revenge. I need something lasting, something you wake up every day and say, "damn it I shouldn't have messed with him". But at the same time, something that isn't going to land me in jail. There aren't enough consiquences in life. You can fuck someone over and be an asshole and nothing hapens. I'm not one of those people who goes by "They will get theirs in the end" or any of that "God knows" crap. Bah.......

Secrets, once you know some one is keeping secrets from you life begins to alter. Maybe I'm just paranoid, well yeah I am, but it makes you wonder. What else are they keeping hidden, holding back, talking about you behind your back to their friends, plotting, planning, laughing.
I'm really starting to lose it. I just don't relate to people at all.

This is all really starting to annoy me so I'm going to end it here.

My weekend went decently. Friday's game was fun, as usual not as much was accomplished as I figured and the group by passed a dungon I spent time setting up. No one died and thats always good and some of my more devious plots are still in play.
For those of you asking, taking out frustraitions on players denoted to taking frustraitions out on characters, not actually abusing the players out of game.

Saturday I went down to see the fam and to see my grandfather and the casino. Buffet was good, but I got sick as I do at most buffets. I also lost 10$ in the slots. I hate gambeling.
Sunday, did some grocery shopping and waited around for BZ's plane to get in. Its really dull without her around.

Don't have too much else to add, creative juices aren't really flowing yet.

And if by magic, said lost post is back. But its still crap so don't bother with it.

Well my test is finished.
Last night was another mess of depression and loss, which I transcribed into blog fashion, but it looks like it was eaten by the internet faries. I made one of my life's classic blunders. If I go looking for trouble I'm sure to find it.
Which is probably ok.
I woke up this morning, after a night of very little sleep with new sence of purpose.
I've always seen myself with two true goals in life. I like to play the hero so I always kind of figured it would be the first one I would accomplish, but now I'm not so sure.
I've always been better with the second, the darker of the two. It takes little effort for my mind to begin to draw the lines and trace how to do it.
Maybe this is my true fate to become what I have long pretended. To merge my sence of mideval vengance with my knowlege of the present and weave havoc over all that there is.

To be continued......

P.S. If you have a really crappy week and you just bomed on a test, is it ok to take your frustraitions out on your D&D players?

Here I am again, alone and sinking, and writing in this desolate place. I would be drinking as well, but I have studying to do. I figure sooner or later I'll pull it together and I can't do that while drunk.
I just don't get it. Why am I always back here? Is this the cource of my life now and forever? Am I just meant to fake happiness until the pain of everything beats me down again and again?
I'm beginning to think there isn't any fun any more. My only real enjoyment is playing games where I can stop being me for a while.
I miss living.
And I'm tired. I can sleep but I never rest. Its always there someplace, the struggle.
MAybe this is why people take drugs. Its hard to create this place for your self. Much easier just to pop a few pills. I was never much for drugs. I was never much for help. I think at one time I needed help, asked for it, and the world let me down.
It was then I knew that I could always only count on myself. I'm the only one who can't not be there.
I don't know where this is all going, but someone will probably read this and worry.
Please understand, it just dosen't matter. Nothing gets fixed, nothing changes, and I'm too stuborn to just vanish, no matter how much I want to some times.
How far do I need to go to just stop careing?
Thats the problem. I still care and probably always will. Now careing is just an empty place inside me. A hole where people come to piss and laugh.
It just dosen't matter.
I don't even know why I keep posting these. They usually just get me in trouble.
I should get back to studying.

I've begun to slip in time. Its becomming harder and harder to remember who and where I am. I forget what floor I'm supposed to be going to and what floor I'm on. I drive home and its 6 years ago. The phone rings and I think its people who I haven't spoken to in years but to me it seems like just yesterday.
I don't know at how early an age alzheimers sets on but this could be some sort of a warning sign. Or I could just be losing my mind. Everything seems like a blur.

At some point in the last few years I lost my life purpose. Up to that point everything was very straight forward. I knew what I was supposed to do. But as time has passed I have lost myself and my purpose. To replace it I seem to have fallen into the pain of an average life.
Wake up.
Go to work.
Get paid.
Consume.
Get Married.
Reproduce.
Grow old.

Is this all I will become?

I see me burning out way before then and taking out a best buy or something before then.

I had an odd dream last night about my friend Jess. She s the one that moved.
In the dream she was moving (big suprise) but instead of being in CT she was in Philly. She wasn't moving out of a house , bot out of the museum of science in philly. We had to go to the front of the museum, where she had like this locker full of stuff. Other school friends of mine were there, andy and John, BZ was also with me. Well in her locker Jess had a bag of herbal enhancer, which BZ was pushing me to buy some. Andy also wanted some, but was then complauning about the prices, something to the term of 15$ for a nickle bag. The whole thing was just very weird. We were doing all these drug transactions out in front of a state building with crowds of people around.
Studying has been slow so far, I have this big procrastination problem.
I also have to prep for friday, which will require some time and thinking.

Finally got some time to write today. My paper is finished and sent in. Now all I have to worry about is the test on friday. BZ is taking off tomorow and on her way to the most wonderful place on earth. No not the liquor store, no not vegas, you know what I'm talking about. I could sure use a vacation right about now.

Putting myself back together bit by bit.
I got through explaining the figures from the aper this AM and more importantly my lab meeting presentation. Now all I need to do is the paper I forgot and start studying for my test.

The meeting wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but I was in bad form and not in presentation mode. Chris said I did a good job even though, but I think he may just have been trying to boost my confidence. It was good to do the presentation in the fact that I got some good advice on how to improve my blots.

Now if I could just get my heart to slow down.

Its already tuesday and I'm slowly self destructing. I have a presentation to give today, which isn't finished. I had a paper due yesterday which I forogt about. I have a test on friday which I may or may not have time to study for and above all I don't have time to do any lab work.

I'm at a point of over tired sick and just generally beat. Which is why this post ends here and I go back to work.

Snow snow snow is a falling.
I've got less than time today as I need to finish up my presentation. I'm also schedualed to go give some new recruits to the school the "We're so wonderful" tour, which I'm off to in a few minuites.
Last night was restless, but I got some decent figures done. Not too much else to say.
Oh further working my big story idea. Its almost time to put some serious effort into writing it. That is when I find some time....

Well my experiment this AM didn't work so well, but confirmed my results from the previous day.
I've spent the rest of the day trying to get the presentation ready for next tuesday. Its actually a good thing we aren't playing tonight, because I really don't have the time. Its also getting very hot in here again and these nights with little sleep are slowly catching up to me.

I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to make my creative dreams come true.

Whats the deal with turtles? What do they have to hide? And why do they feel like they can go through life so slow, just taking it easy, basking in the sun.
No one susects turtles. They are like monkies, adored by millions and for no other reason than they go through life with a shell on their back.

But I'm on to you turtle! I see through your little game. I know whats in the soup.
They call it turtle soup. Is it because turtles are in it? I think not. Its because turtles make it, just like those damn chocolate candies, with the caramel. Its all part of the turtle plan you see.

Step 1: act cute and become adored by the simpletons of the human race.

Setp 2: create food dishes which many people eat.

Step 3: World domination!!!

The next time you see a turtle, you tell him whats up! If we band together now, we can stop this calamity.

Rage, inner fury and built up pain. I've completed the circle again. I was almost ready to transverse great distances this morning to lay waste to those who have wronged me. Instead I came in to finish my western blot.

There is no escape.
No completion.
Nothing but cycles of of beacoup rouge.

I am at the surface. I hate the surface. I want to be burried beneath shells of import and intrigue. Down and down in my own sea of chaos.

Let me sink.
Life lines are the death of me.
People pull my back from the edge. Away from the precipace so that I may fall into their crater.
Entrapment, sealed in from all sides as the world gets smaller and smaller.
I need an ocean, but I hate open water.

Its really hot in lab today. Must be around 80ish. This day is slowly dragging by. There is a lot of work to do, but it just dosen't seem to be making things go by fatser. I'm also very mentally disjointed. At least now when I get depressed I'm thinking of someone new. I don't know if thats progress or transferance. Fun things are going on this weekend but instead of going to a party or con con I'm going to be studying cell bio, working on my presentation I have to give next week and driving potential students around. Oh and I checked the list, most of the other students who signed up to babysit are all goobs. The one cool perosn who would have been there isn't here any more, which just makes it all the worse.

I'm hungry, tired, hot, and sad. Its only a matter of time before anxiety begins to set in as well. Well maybe I won the lottery.....

hmm, drawing isn't until tonight. It would be nice if one thing was really going well. I just want to do more.

man am I ever sick of snow. Yesterday we had some sort of instant storm. The ground was covered in about an hour's time and it seemed to freeze instantly. I had to scrape my car out to get it back to the appartment. Then it starts thundering while its snowing hard and the wind is whipng everything around. It was quite freaky. Visability was almost none and the mustang was close to not making it the short drive from school to the appt. This morning I wake up to fine the car frozen solid. Ice all over. The doors were even frozen shut. And I hear we're due for another storm. I am so sick of this weather.

I got some decent painting done last night and came up with some good game ideas. In good news I don't have a test this week like I thought, but I do need to work up a presentation for next tuesday. Lab has just been crazy lately as well. I feel like I'm just running out of time.
Its these sort of days that make a steady paycheck look better and better.

Damn computer. I try to update the songs on my ipod, but itunes tells me that I need to update the software on the ipod first. So I start to do that, it looks like its updated and says I need to restart. I restart and low and behold, the computer will no longer detect the ipod and better yet, the ipod thinks it needs to connect to the computer to finish something so now I have two broken electronic items. MF this S!!!

So if
I bring my comp in to best buy will it come back with all sorts of shit screwed up? You betcha it will. Every time BZ's comp has gone in it come back in some what altered status and often in worse shape than when it went in. My CD drive is screwed up, now the firewire port is toast, WTF!!!!

Day was going fairly well beside that, except that I have a class where we are supposed to discuss a paper I didn't read and don't have, which I think I'm just going to skip. Classes should be to fill in info you don't have and help you out. Mine usually just seem to be getting in the way of my lab work.

Spin spin spin, around the world goes. Today has been just crazy, with all the running back and forth. Forget the food, drive to get the food, eat some when time permits, so many damn meals, and now everything is spinning. I fell like I'm about to go crazy here.
I just tried to win for life, but lost. I hate lottery dealies, not really sure why I bought it. I'm not one who is destined to get money not earned.
I think I'm really losing my mind.
Part of me screams for freedom.
The rest just wants a few hours of sleep.
The wanting world is a tiring one and often becomes less and less inviting.
I wonder how long it will take.
How long before surrender.
How long before there is no reason to go, no reason to leave, just the orchestraiting existance.
Man do I hate people.
So much to do......................

Its crazy monday again. I got a bit of a late start and had a lot to do before leaving for school so this is the first chance I've had to get anything down.
The weekend was good and productive. Friday's game went pretty well, or at least it was until the end where one of the players died while they were splitting up treasure, don't eat magic nuts should be on those lists of good D&D habbits right after, don't go in the water.

Saturday was a nonstop day on the go. I was up at 6 to get in here by 8ish, closer to nine all things considered, so that I could finish up an experiment that was running friday. In between the incubation step and the wash step, I ran over to the appartment to help my friend move out. These next few days are going to be hard, getting used to her being gone. Then it was back to school to finish the experiment and get home before 2 so I could close on my refinance of the house. After that we had about an hour or so of rest time before we took off for my parents to have dinner with my grandfather. It was nice to see everyone, even though the buffet chinese did a number of my stomach.

Sunday was a day of rest and cooking. I made 4 different dishes through out the day to try to stay on this diet. Cheating did occur around dinner time but the rest of the day wasn't bad. Add in some gaming and some shopping and thats my weekend.

Today I'm rerunning the same experiment I did over the weekend to try to get it to work better. These things are so touchy.
Not too much else going on, trying not to think, but there are a lot of down time steps in this sort of work.

Hungry, every moment of every day. I eat unsatisfying food and want more of the slop I have as horrid as it is. I know now why I have never dieted before, because good lord it blows. I pitty all the folks who have been doing this on and off for years and I'll be less critical of fat people.....well lets not go over board here.

I'm thinking that I will have to go and make some big wager with BZ over who can last the longest in this insanity because there is no other way I would finish it. Those stakes are going to be high....mmmm...high...eating steaks...mmmmm.

Last night was nice.
I went home quite annoyed and even had that need to get out of the appartment. So I ended up going to walmart to get some chips and snacks. Stupid diet!
When I came back my friend was packing her car up. We chatted for a bit and then went out to taco bell, damn diet.
All in all we got to talk for a while and had a nice god bye. Its kind of weird. Just knowing that she is gone makes this place feel a little smaller and the walls feel a lot bigger. I do hope she is happier in Philly though and her life goes well.

In good news its friday and game day, so I have a lot of science to accomplish so I can try to get out a bit early and clean up some.
So I'm off.

Bored, tired, and a wee bit sad, today is my best friend up here's last day. She has been freaking out since she lost her wallet last night so we/I haven't really had time to say good bye to her.
I really hate losing people especially if they are cool people. Life hapens, people move away, but I don't have to like it.
Its going to be different without her here, less fun. In a lot of ways she was kind of the youth of our little group of friends. It always seemed like she was off on one adventure or another and then back with good stories to tell. I see a lot of myself in her, well that is when I was younger so to speak.
The lab is calling.

Question of the day....
Is beer a complex carb or a simple carb?
I don't remember seeing beer on the list of good carbs, but then they didn't have any drinks on any of the lists I saw. I skiped two of my carbs yesterday and had 2 beers last night so does that kind of even out? I sure hope so.

In other news I heard this morning that some senator is trying to enforce FCC laws over pay services like cable and satalite radio (you can guess where I heard it).
I'm sorry but this is just rediculas. If people want to pay for a service which may contain some indecent venues that is their choice. They don't need big brother watching over them and protecting them from stuff they bought. What next? Maybe they will apply their standards to movies and film, maybe we will only sell porn with all the sex blurred out and beeps over any noises they make. Fucking moral ass holes.
You should have heard this guy. It was kind of scarry. He kept saying "we will have to make a constitutional change" and gave reasons of protecting our children. Now this is really scary. What constitutional change might he be refering to? Say the freedom of speach perhapse?
Ass whipes! I really wish all these jack ass politicians would just move to some country where the government isn't working well to form their christian dictatorship. We have a nice democracy here, sure we all don't agree, but we tolerate. I guess some factions are tired of tolerating.

I citizen #7,401,327 do here by swear my full and undying alleigance to our lord (say not his name in vain)
And to the toltarian regeim, for the beneficiary it stands.
One nation, ruled by fear and guilt, with safety, and justice for the riteous.

bastards!

Radio is the last forefront of the imagination (not counting books). I listen to Howard Stern just about every morning on the way in to school. Just about every morning they have some women on to talk about one thing or another or to degrade them selves in some sort of way. Quick point: I say degrade because it is a nice cover all term for the sorts of antics they usually go through, but as all of these women are willing subjects and its all for fun they aren't really being degraded in my mind,
To move on, so these women come in and there is almost always a lot of Ohh-ing and Aww-ing over them about how beautiful and hot they are. So I get this picture in my mind of something like what they should look like. Then I get in and hook on to the net and check out H.S.'s web site where they put up pictures of these women. Good lord are many of them ugly. Bad skin, bad faces, bad features, sure a lot of them have decent bodies, but I'm not one of those guys who can just put a bag over her head. You can work up to a good body, but faces are something you're stuck with. And don't bring up plastic surgery as I've seen a lot more bad procedures than good ones.

Now back to lab.

Today I began the "six week make over diet" I figure I need to lost 20 or so pounds or at least enough so my pants don't feel tight.
The diet consists of cutting down on carbs and more importantly simple sugars and salt. It also entails eating about 6 small meals a day instead of 3 bigger ones.

In doing this diet I have learned a few things.
1. Without refined sugars, you can really taste the natural sugars in the food you eat.
2. Natural sugar tastes really bland and crappy.
3. When you bring oatmeal as your complex carb, remember to bring a bowl or cub to put it in.
4. If you forget the oatmeal container, just skip the oatmeal. Do not and I repeat do not just add in cold water and mix it about to make an oatmeal paste.
5. Eating little bags of food is kind of fun.
6. Preparing little bags of food is a big pain in the butt.
7. Water is a lame drink.
8. Damn you grapefruit!!!!!!!!

If it works I'll let you know.

Well after a short hiatus, very short that is due to classes and snow and plans which never go through, I have returned.
A quick update, weekend was nice, but I can't really say restful. It seems BZ spent most of the weekend in an altered state, an altered state which kept her up until the wee hours of the morning, at which time her new mind usually seemed to decide it was time for some old fashion copulation. Now given this, not to say its not enjoyable, not to say I don't appreciate romance of the physical nature, but after the third night with 4ish hour of sleep my body begins to break down. I learned I couldn't read any more on monday.

On a side note, I have become immune once again to the enhanced state of mind. I figure the first time unlocked a lot of the power centers I used to tap into and now that they are back they reroute then energy of the herbs. Such a strange life I live.

I did have something I was going to rant on about this morning but for the life of me I just can't remember.

Ah here is something.....
Have you ever gone over to a friends home or appartment, where she has been hanging out with her boyfriend all day and as you're playing cards you get a whif of something. It smells sort of dark and musky at first and you get that instant farmiliarization. You realize.
Its one of those things that you know is going on, but you really don't need conformation.

Yuck